Archive for May, 2009

ah

May 25, 2009

even the most wonderful daycare sucks… as what ever the father does will never truly be enough

and then again patriarchy is to be blamed, I don’t know maybe is about the wrong people in a 

beautiful place, the load of work as for us has brought upon boredom and desinterest

daycare sucks!

May 25, 2009

I was so trilled about the idea of stepping away for a couple of hours, only about 2 days a week, to breath and relax, read and work… but it was not going to work for me in this wonderful bohemian/romantic daycare fantasy… babies avoided each other when not hating, hitting or biting… plus the idea of leaving her all alone with them under the sight of someone that didnt seemed quite there, was too much to handle 2 months ago…

now at about one year and 8 months, all alone in the cow land, I’m feeling the need for a bit of space on my own, to be able to cope happily with all this attachment and separations that have been going around, she is growing, she is becoming, she is beautiful… i need space, and so does she, i feel it but i still have all those fears that hunt me… specially about that “what if she needs me while i’m away”… if she feels i abandoned her, maybe right there, there is too much of me and my childhood…

i really wish I could find the right place, i know for many there is no choice… she should be able to interact with other children, other adults… all our close resources are so far away… in different corners of the world, wish i could fly them one at the time for some hours only, i know i should rest a little and i love her so

the new stroller

May 11, 2009

I’ve carried her all this time so close to my skin…

while walking in the oblivion of this world we merged into the smells and sights of the branches, leafs upon us

time passed… and the impossibility of my framework – we should be able to grow to- split what used to happen, what used to be…

nothing changes the joy of feeling your becoming

but i can not help it, i will miss your proximity

never had someone so close to me, to you…