daycare sucks!

I was so trilled about the idea of stepping away for a couple of hours, only about 2 days a week, to breath and relax, read and work… but it was not going to work for me in this wonderful bohemian/romantic daycare fantasy… babies avoided each other when not hating, hitting or biting… plus the idea of leaving her all alone with them under the sight of someone that didnt seemed quite there, was too much to handle 2 months ago…

now at about one year and 8 months, all alone in the cow land, I’m feeling the need for a bit of space on my own, to be able to cope happily with all this attachment and separations that have been going around, she is growing, she is becoming, she is beautiful… i need space, and so does she, i feel it but i still have all those fears that hunt me… specially about that “what if she needs me while i’m away”… if she feels i abandoned her, maybe right there, there is too much of me and my childhood…

i really wish I could find the right place, i know for many there is no choice… she should be able to interact with other children, other adults… all our close resources are so far away… in different corners of the world, wish i could fly them one at the time for some hours only, i know i should rest a little and i love her so


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